Over the last one week, I have had this same conversation with three different people, and I thought I should probably share it here. As always, the mission is to grow and glow as a community, darlings! 🙂
When you think about a mirror, what comes to mind? For me, it takes me back to reflecting on who I am and, more importantly, how I see myself. Yesterday, I was having a conversation with someone dear to me. She was asking why she keeps attracting the wrong people despite considering herself a good person, which I absolutely agree she is. She is kind, intelligent, beautiful and capable.
My response was simple: We do not always attract people based on who the world thinks we are, but our self-perception often influences the kind of relationships we pursue, tolerate and accept.
Profound? Okay, let me unpack this.
You might be the kindest person in the eyes of others. Always showing up for people, treating everyone with love and going out of your way to make others feel valued. Perhaps you do all this from a place of unresolved trauma, people-pleasing, fear of rejection or a need for validation. But deep inside, things might look very different. You feel rejected, undeserving and, perhaps, you are incredibly unkind to yourself. In that sense, you may find yourself accepting the very treatment you would never wish upon someone else, constantly extending kindness to others while struggling to give yourself the same.
And after a while, why do you feel drained? Because there is a disconnect between how you treat yourself and how you show up for others. You are constantly pouring out what you are not giving yourself, and eventually, your soul becomes exhausted from that internal tug of war.
I know. I am getting into some deep stuff here, but stay with me!
Now, for a believer like me, I can simplify this from a faith perspective. The devil’s mission is to rob us of our identity. Before God created each one of us, He knew us. He knew the purpose He had placed within us, and His plans for us are to give us hope and a future, not despair. But the enemy wants us to live contrary to that truth. And one of the greatest battlegrounds is our minds. His mission is to make you and me our own greatest enemies. This manifests in how we become our harshest critics, how unkind we are to ourselves and how easily we begin to believe that we are not worthy, capable or deserving of the beautiful things God has for us.
The beginning of freedom is recognising these lies, becoming aware of how they have shaped our identities and choosing to reject them. We must learn to take our thoughts captive and align them with what God says about us.
My late Ntagu (continue resting peacefully bestie) used to tell me that what is inside of me is what reveals itself outside of me. I am grateful that I got to experience her wisdom on this value because I have come to appreciate how applicable it is across different aspects of life. If you are unkind to yourself, you may find yourself tolerating unkindness from others, even when you are constantly extending kindness to them. This is not to say that we are responsible for how people treat us, but that our relationship with ourselves influences what we allow into our lives.
Personally, I was once a victim of my own past. I had internalised rejection to the point that I had rewritten my identity around it. I would show up in the world trying so hard to make others feel accepted, yet I continued to struggle with feelings of rejection myself. It was not until I began addressing my inner critic, confronting those deeply rooted beliefs through therapy and redefining my identity through Christ that things started changing.
In the last two years, I have felt like I am living an entirely new life (I get teary every time I realise this). Every day, I keep meeting incredibly beautiful souls, and sometimes, I find myself breaking down. Why? Because for so long, I had believed the lies the enemy had fed me. I had allowed my past experiences to rewrite what God had said about me even before I was conceived. The devil is such a liar and he should go to his hell himself!
Today, I am learning to see myself through God’s eyes. I no longer define myself by rejection, and I no longer approach life expecting to be rejected. I am learning to recognise and embrace the beauty, love and abundance that God has placed around me and I see just that every day of my life.
What is my point in all this?
The way you see yourself in the mirror matters. If you constantly see someone who is undeserving, unworthy or unkind to themselves, it will influence how you navigate the world and the relationships you build.
Therefore, let us redefine our identities and ensure that we do not become our own greatest enemies. Yes, the world has some cruel people (who, in many instances, are also carrying wounds from things that happened to them- I would recommend us to read the book, What Happened To You by Oprah and Dr. Bruce). But I strongly believe that the world has so many beautiful souls. And I hope you work towards becoming one of those beautiful souls to yourself first, and then to the world.
I will leave you with one challenge today:
Who do you see when you look at yourself in the mirror? That is where you should start.
Here, we keep growing and glowing. ❤️
With Love,
Mwendwa, xoxo.
